At 33, I’ve begun seriously thinking about putting my plans on ice
If you’re looking for advice about options surrounding fertility, pregnancy or counselling, always consult your doctor.
Surely I can’t be the only woman who, in the back of her mind, feels as though there’s going to be punishment doled out in future for all the fun she’s had.
There’s got to be a price to pay for all the frivolity, the getting home when the sun comes up, for working every day for months on end, and for breaking up with men over the tiniest of flaws. In my heart of hearts, or maybe my womb of wombs, I thought the price I’d pay would be my fertility.
Maybe it is. One thing I know for sure is that I’ve had seemingly endless conversations about egg freezing since I went through a breakup a few months ago at the age of 33.
Sydney morning herald article egg freezing
Freezing eggs for many is not an insurance policy for having a baby, but it is an insurance policy against regret.
One friend, forced into a long-distance relationship with her long-term partner, has to put her eggs on ice because she doesn’t know when she’ll be able to leave the country again, let alone get busy with her significant other.
Another friend has been mulling over the idea while prioritising her career. With a forced return home to Sydney from London, she’s taken the plunge. And yet another friend has done the same for medical reasons, as she needed to save the ones she had left.
But for every person I’ve spoken to about their plans, there are many others who have no idea what they’re going to do. No plans. No clue how many eggs they have left or what they’re going to do with them.
We know where to get the best scrambled eggs (Bills, obviously), where to get a great haircut, and where to go for a perfect manicure. But when it comes to one of the most important decisions we’ll make in our lives, we’re clueless.
Even if it’s not at the forefront of our minds, it’s there in the background, simmering away, the ticking clock growing increasingly louder, like the telltale heart diorama in The Simpsons’ take on the Edgar Allan-Poe classic.
Freedom from this biological burden used to come at the same cost as a small car but these days you can put your eggs on ice (note: this is not the actual scientific method) for the price of a flashy handbag or an overseas holiday.
Fertility expert Dr Devora Lieberman says the cost has come down because the practice has been refined using technology that has been available for nearly a decade. Costs vary but start at about $7000 for the whole process. Dr Lieberman jokingly suggests that a cycle or two of egg freezing should be included in divorce settlements for women who go through breakups in their mid-30s.
Eggs collected from older women don’t have the same levels of fertilisation success as eggs from younger women, so one of the good things about having more affordable egg freezing is that it’s increasingly accessible to younger women.
‘It’s not an insurance policy for having a baby, but it is an insurance policy against regret.”
Brooke Boney
For most women, the decision to freeze their eggs is not necessarily about focusing on a career, but about finding a partner they want to have children with. It’s not an insurance policy for having a baby, but it is an insurance policy against regret.
Experts say that women have long been liable to leave it too late. It seems we very much overestimate our natural fertility. Egg freezing has opened up new options, but there’s always a fresh cohort of women who need to be educated in the age-related decline in fertility. However, despite being one of Australia’s most prominent advocates for egg freezing, Dr Lieberman often tries to talk women out of doing so. That’s because less than 10 per cent of women worldwide come back to thaw out their eggs.
As I learnt more about my body, I felt like cracking open the champagne. I’d assumed that there would be some retribution for my lifestyle. But it turns out there isn’t – it’s just important to get on top of it early.
But there’s still the stigma of being single in your 30s, with people assuming you can’t find love. Instead, maybe the decision to freeze eggs should be seen through the prism of its more likely causes: prioritising career; making decisions based on values; waiting for the right person; or simply leaving options open.